too bad you live with your parents still
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
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I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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