Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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