Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
