She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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