I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
