A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
