He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
