Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
