my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
