I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
