Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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