don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
