She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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