Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
