Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
