a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
