I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
