On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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