Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
