Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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