We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
