why didn't you poke me back
are you so shy because you have an std?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
