Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
