he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
