Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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