It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize