Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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