Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
