did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
