M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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