Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
