i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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