One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
