I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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