when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
