mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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