is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
