so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
