btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
