last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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