Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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