they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
