Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
