please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
