"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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