I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
