Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
