I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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