I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
