Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
