During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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