it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
