You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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