i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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