she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize