i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
