I'm going to jail i love you
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We need to rekindle our bromance
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
