Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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