Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize